Considering the promise the UFC holds for 2009 it's a little tough to get up for this card. Especially considering Penn vs. St. Pierre is less than 3 weeks away. That being said this card should still be worth a watch.
I feel the fight between Kang and Belcher is a gimme but I'm picking Kang because he's Canadian and because I like his camp better. American Top Team is quietly amassing a nice stable of fighters.
Jeremy Horn is a real tough out with a burly record of 80-18-5, which means he's been in over 10x as many fights as his opponent Rousimar Palhares (8-2). Still I'm picking Palhares because Horn is somehow a skinny guy and a fat guy at the same time. Fedor is the only fat guy you can trust in MMA these days. Sorry Jeremy.
In a fight that will feature two guys who are willing to cave in each others faces for 3 rounds we have a rematch of Chris "Lights Out" Lytle vs Marcus "The Irish Hand Grenade" Davis. Anything can happen but I don't see why Lytle shouldn't win this one too. He took Davis' punches a lot better than Davis took his in my opinion.
I'm not as big a fan of "Shogun" as many people are but as Mark Coleman was only good when he was juiced to the gills and everyone else sucked I expect the former number one lightweight in the world to catch Coleman sometime in the second.
In what is a top flight match up we'll see Rich Franklin vs Dan Henderson. I expect Franklin will have too much for Hendo as Franklin is the more well rounded fighter.
Rich Franklin* vs. Dan Henderson
Mauricio Rua vs. Mark Coleman
Alan Belcher vs. Denis Kang
Jeremy Horn vs. Rousimar Palhares
Chris Lytle vs. Marcus Davis
*Winners denoted by italics
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Hawk the Vote!!!!!
I wish that we as a society would spend more time changing the application of a given slur or swear word. We did it successfully with “fuck” which can be used in every single way a word can be used; That’s fucked. We fucked that up. Fuck you. I got fucked over. I’m going to fuck her. He’s fucking fast. What in the name of Fuck? The fucking asshole wouldn’t shut his fuck, etc., etc. Even the word “shit” has transcended from just being a mere pile of crap to actually becoming a metaphor for all things unpleasant. Being executed by way of guillotine is shitty.While in truth I can guarantee you that it would be infinitely better for your health to have 20 pounds of shit fall on your neck that a razor sharp guillotine blade or even a dull guillotine blade for that matter. Either or, you’re getting fucked up. That’s how well the word shit does its job. You could describe a concentration camp as shitty and people would agree with you without actually stopping to think that a room made out of shit would be a better place to be than a concentration camp. I’m sure that somewhere on Earth there’s a people who actually live in shit houses (real shit, not metaphor shit) who are perfectly happy. I bet their shit houses actually do something brilliant too. Something like keep mosquitoes out. I can picture Marlon Perkins saying, “Before you scoff at the fact that the Ubitoah tribes men make their huts out of gazelle shit you should note that there’s a natural acting enzyme in the fuckin’ gazelle shit that repels mosquitoes and small omnivores.”
I really believe if we as a people would revisit various swear words and made sure that all these words were being used to their maximum potential I’d be able to call the Baseball Writers Association of America fags. Because we just don’t have a better word for these guys, but it really has nothing to do with homosexuality, their just fags.
Stop playing around and get the Hawk into the Hall. Andre Dawson is better than Jim Rice. Don’t get me wrong Jim Rice is good but as kids would say Hawk>Rice. Not that I know why in the name of Fuck the kids are being taught, greater than and less but that’s not the point.
If the numbers aren’t enough then think to the fact that he legitimized the Expos organization that otherwise would have been known for those crappy red and blue vinyl baseball gloves that Consumers Distributing used to hock to kids in the eighties. For some reason the glove came with a real hardball, not a baseball but a big grapefruit ass hard ball. Just like pro “softball” players’ use. I never understood that because the glove wasn’t big enough to be safely used with anything harder than a new tennis ball. I mean you could masturbate with this thing on and suffer losses in neither dexterity nor sensitivity. There wasn’t even enough material to get the glove all the way around the ball and there surely wasn’t enough material to prevent a hairline fracture ripping across your palm every time you caught the Atlas killing ball that had come with it. Looking back shot putting that fucking ball around as kid was probably the start of what would become rotator cuff injuries years later.
So if not for the sake of the Hawk or the Expos, then do it for all the 9 year olds who blew out their arms 15 years before Tommy John surgery.
I really believe if we as a people would revisit various swear words and made sure that all these words were being used to their maximum potential I’d be able to call the Baseball Writers Association of America fags. Because we just don’t have a better word for these guys, but it really has nothing to do with homosexuality, their just fags.
Stop playing around and get the Hawk into the Hall. Andre Dawson is better than Jim Rice. Don’t get me wrong Jim Rice is good but as kids would say Hawk>Rice. Not that I know why in the name of Fuck the kids are being taught, greater than and less but that’s not the point.
If the numbers aren’t enough then think to the fact that he legitimized the Expos organization that otherwise would have been known for those crappy red and blue vinyl baseball gloves that Consumers Distributing used to hock to kids in the eighties. For some reason the glove came with a real hardball, not a baseball but a big grapefruit ass hard ball. Just like pro “softball” players’ use. I never understood that because the glove wasn’t big enough to be safely used with anything harder than a new tennis ball. I mean you could masturbate with this thing on and suffer losses in neither dexterity nor sensitivity. There wasn’t even enough material to get the glove all the way around the ball and there surely wasn’t enough material to prevent a hairline fracture ripping across your palm every time you caught the Atlas killing ball that had come with it. Looking back shot putting that fucking ball around as kid was probably the start of what would become rotator cuff injuries years later.
So if not for the sake of the Hawk or the Expos, then do it for all the 9 year olds who blew out their arms 15 years before Tommy John surgery.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Sorry, Did I Miss Canada's Funeral?
Did anyone else notice that people stopped singing the national anthem like three minutes before it actually ended last night? Our Juniors just won one of the more exciting hockey games you could hope to see and for some reason the audio guy queues up the the Salieri death mass remix of Oh Canada.
That was some bullshit. The team of young bucks were filled with boundless energy and singing the song proudly at the tempo that you figure a bunch of kids who just won the biggest game of their lives would be singing it. But the boys were standing on guard while the instrumental wasn't in spitting distance of "far and wide". So everyone in the arena just stopped singing while the instrumental kept playing, and now it looks like we don't know the words to our own anthem. Even worse it seems like we only know half of the anthem. If they didn't start singing at all we could at least say we missed the day that they taught the anthem in school. Or maybe that the audio was so bad we didn't know the song had started playing. But noooo instead it looks like we were only smart enough to learn half the fucking song.
I'm just sayin', asking a bunch of teenagers to sing the highway of heroes version of Oh Canada at that time was like force feeding kindergarten children powdered jelly donuts and then asking them to sit quietly while we discuss Van Gogh's blue period. Simply not going to work out and guaranteed to lead to misunderstandings.
Now the 8 people who watch hockey outside of Canada think we're retarded, and you got to figure that at least two of the 8 have nuclear weapons and a need for non-renewable resources.
Shit like this didn't happen when we had a working Parliament. Next thing you know we'll be hanging our own flag upside down before sporting events.
That was some bullshit. The team of young bucks were filled with boundless energy and singing the song proudly at the tempo that you figure a bunch of kids who just won the biggest game of their lives would be singing it. But the boys were standing on guard while the instrumental wasn't in spitting distance of "far and wide". So everyone in the arena just stopped singing while the instrumental kept playing, and now it looks like we don't know the words to our own anthem. Even worse it seems like we only know half of the anthem. If they didn't start singing at all we could at least say we missed the day that they taught the anthem in school. Or maybe that the audio was so bad we didn't know the song had started playing. But noooo instead it looks like we were only smart enough to learn half the fucking song.
I'm just sayin', asking a bunch of teenagers to sing the highway of heroes version of Oh Canada at that time was like force feeding kindergarten children powdered jelly donuts and then asking them to sit quietly while we discuss Van Gogh's blue period. Simply not going to work out and guaranteed to lead to misunderstandings.
Now the 8 people who watch hockey outside of Canada think we're retarded, and you got to figure that at least two of the 8 have nuclear weapons and a need for non-renewable resources.
Shit like this didn't happen when we had a working Parliament. Next thing you know we'll be hanging our own flag upside down before sporting events.
Friday, January 2, 2009
BEST AND WORST OF SPORTS 2008
Fighter of the Year
Manny Pacquiao
The PacMan won 3 fights in three separate weight classes in ’08, claiming two championship belts a long the way. A similar feat hasn’t been accomplished in around 70 years.
Before the De La Hoya fight I thought Freddie Roach was about done as a trainer but it turns out De La Hoya is just done as a fighter. Roach’s game plan saw Pacquiao boxing with both hands and using a straight left to set up a night of embarrassment for De La Hoya. Pacquiao also showed newfound tactical ability in using his feet to step off to the side leaving the Golden Boy staring at empty space while wondering why his lips tasted like leather.
Next up is a nearly certain match up with the once again fan favourite Ricky Hatton. Hatton is smaller than Oscar and doesn’t have his chin. Expect to see Hatton lying in a pool of his own blood in 10 rounds or less.
Runner-Up
George St. Pierre
George “Rush” St. Pierre could win more seats in parliament than the liberals. He’s so popular Sportsnet.ca voted him Canadian Athlete of the Year by a reported 89% margin. No matter how you slice it nothing is a better barometer of public opinion than, well…public opinion.
Well deserved public opinion at that. George may be the most complete fighter in the world, and probably the only current UFC champion who we’ll still be talking about as a contender 5 years from now. George only had two fights this year but they were both big. First in a fight that can best be summed up as a gorilla raping a bunny rabbit, George reclaimed the 170lbs title from Matt Serra, in George’s hometown of Montreal.
The George went on to defend his title against real tough guy and number one contender Jon Fitch. Fitch came into the fight on a ridiculous 15 match win streak. St. Pierre made him look like a sparring partner. Anyone viewing that match with no prior knowledge of the contestants would have been right to think a pro was fighting an amateur. Fitch proved his heart by going the full 5 rounds but it was no contest for much of the bout as George won in dominating fashion.
If George successful defends his title against BJ Penn early next year expect his next fight to be against muay thai terrorist Thiago Alves. A victory for St. Pierre against Thiago Alves would most likely see St. Pierre.making the move up to 185lb setting up a super fight against middle weight king Anderson Silva.
Anderson “The Spider” Silva
Anderson Silva fought three times in ’08 and compiled a record of 3-0 with 2 KO’s and 1 submission. Anderson strangled Pride 185lbs champ Dan Henderson in fewer than two rounds. I dare you to try and emulate the expression on Henderson’s face right before he tapped out without shitting your pants.
People said it was too easy, hey Anderson for your next trick why not put on 20lbs and fight the man with the record for fastest knock out in UFC history? Okay, that’ll be one minute please. If you’ve ever seen the episode of CSI where the case involves illegal gender reassignment surgery then you have some idea of the butchery worked on James Irvin’s face that night as his face sported a gash you stick four fingers in.
Some people were disappointed that Silva let Patrick Cote make it to the third round of their fight for Silva’s title a few month’s ago. Many reports indicated that Silva was so upset by the criticism that he demanded to fight the very next weekend.
The UFC denied his request but expected a very motivated Spider to do very bad things to Thales Leites in their bout scheduled for March 2009.
Fight of the Year
Antonio Margarito vs. Miguel Cotto
Talent wise Miguel Cotto is this generation’s Marvin Hagler. The 147 pound champion was an undefeated fighter with a deserved rep as a devastating puncher. Signing a contract with Cotto is generally a guarantee that you’ll be shitting concentrated orange juice with pulp the morning after. The man doesn’t like liver, he doesn’t like kidneys.
He entered this fight on a longer winning streak, as the better boxer, and the harder puncher.
All these things would prove true during the fight and every single one of these points would prove to be useless again Antonio Margarito in what was to be one of the most brutal fights of the year.
Margarito has long been the guy no one wanted to fight. Granite chin, excellent hands, granite chin, and most importantly at 5’11 he’s nearly super humanly tall for the division. His only significant loss coming to the even taller Paul Williams, who’s an ungodly 6’1 at 147lbs.
By the third round I wondered why Michael Vick was in jail? If this fight was legal then fighting dogs, old people, the handy capable, all that shit should be legal. There came a point where while walking back to his corner Cotto seemed to projectile vomit blood from his entire face. Never mind the fact that he was winning the fight at that point. For most of the first 10 rounds he did his level best to kill Margarito who for his part didn’t care. He just kept working and working and working, until the announcers started describing his flurries as “violent assaults” he scored two knockdowns in the 11th round and claimed Cotto’s title.
Now you know why Floyd Mayweather Jr. turned down 8 million dollars to fight him. Oscar De La Hoya wouldn’t fight him, no one really wants to fight him.
Margarito will next be seen in January where he’ll have to answer for Shane Mosely’s murder.
If you’re a fight fan and haven watch this fight it’s simply a reminder of why someone somewhere has been trying to have boxing banned since 1400 B.C. It’s also a reminder of why we really should never let that happen.
Best Toronto GM
Brian Burke
He’s already done more than any GM we’ve had in 50 years because Leafs fans have real hope. Journalists, players, and the sort are fond of calling Toronto, “The Hockey Mecca”. Of course fans from every other city think we’re dick heads because how can a team that never wins be the top hockey town? The truth however is that Leafs fans aren’t dicks. They are a bunch of people who for much of the last 30 years begin every season by debating whether or not their team will be good enough out get out of the first round of the playoffs, if that.
Now people are talking about a five year plan, incredible.
Worst Toronto GM
Brian Colangelo
What the fuck is your plan sir? At least Mitchell had a big city, big league personality. Now we suck AND have no passion.
Best Sports Channel
The Score
They’re doing a real good job of capturing the spirit of what people want in a sports show. Of course humour is a key but beyond that these guys are allowed to have some personality which is increasingly rare on Canadian T.V. I mean that entire storyline of Cabbie having Sid Seixeiro learn to freestyle was funny as hell, and then at the end of it when host Tim Metcalf freaks out after Seixeiro burns down the cipher, gold.
It’s nerdy, sports, hip-hop(read: pop culture) for people who don’t need their sportscasters to wear blazers, but don’t be mislead they have all the knowledge you need. Their soccer guy James Sharman should be knighted; of course I say that about everyone Englishman who discusses soccer.
They also have the best plays of the week show. POW. Or P, O, dub as it was once referred as.
Worst Sports Channel
TSN
They got Pardon the Interruption, and they got In the Corner: With Russ Anber. Other than that they have bad make up and wildly inconsistent programming schedules. A few years ago I noted that the Sportsnet morning show might be better than the TSN morning show. TSN has only gotten worse since. I mean if Jay Onrait doesn’t get funny again it’s a wrap.
You know when they rushed Jennifer Hedger back on air like 6 hours after having a baby that they were desperate. I mean you all know how I feel about being entertained by lactating bitches.
Obama Isn’t Commissioner of MLB Award
Cito Gaston
11 years between head managing stints for Cito Gaston. Wendell Clark could get a job coaching the Leafs if he wanted, but a guy who actually won gets to sit for 11 years. How does that work?
Runner Up
Barry Bonds
Over the last three or four years of his career Barry Bonds only missed making contact with 20% of the pitches he swung at. He’s never failed a drug test. He’s never been convicted of a crime.
Remember that next time you’re cheering at Josh Hamilton home run derby highlights.
NBA Most Outstanding Player
Chris Paul
I hate sports journalism. Especially that which covers the NBA because they tend to be years behind what’s going on in the real world. It takes 3 years of Kobe sharing the ball from them to stop saying Kobe is selfish. Things like that piss me off. You also still hear phrases about young players like “he has to learn to trust his team mates”, or one of a myriad of other similar statements. But the truth is those statements make no sense. Not anymore. Every player coming in to the league today literally grew up hearing about how Jordan didn’t become a champion until he learned to trust his team mates. Everyone has heard about Kobe’s issues with team unity when he was younger. So why is the excuse allowed to exist?
Well for Chris Paul it didn’t, he came into the league doing everything right and much like Lebron James has demonstrated that some things don’t have to be coached and that we don’t have to make allowances for players who don’t get it. I expect we’ll be seeing more of this sort, maybe not in terms of talent but definitely in terms of maturity.
Chris Paul’s 2007/08 line: 80 games played, 21.1 points, 11.6 assists, 2.7 steals.
3rd year numbers like that can’t be ignored.
NBA Most Valuable Player
Kevin Garnett
This guy has filled out stat sheets in a historical fashion his entire career. I don’t want to hear he had a lot of help. Anyone remember the 2004 Lakers? Then shut the hell up. This guy arrives to work every day with the enthusiasm of a 7 foot tall pitbull puppy that’s seeing it’s master for the first time in 12 hours. I really haven’t seen anything like him since Magic Johnson.
I’m Not Saying He Doesn’t Deserve the Accolades but…
Sidney Crosby
Is it just me or is this guy not the best player on his own team never mind the league? And considering the Penguins record when Marc-Andre Fleury is out, don’t we dare say he might be the number three guy in Pittsburgh in terms of putting wins on the board?
Worst Thing to Happen to Sports
Super bowl 42 Giants beat Patriots
Yeah I know this could go to the WNBA every year. But Jesus Christ did I watch every damn Patriots game last year for no reason? I couldn’t even discuss this game for 3 days after it happened. I was so upset I couldn't masturbate, smoke anything less than a 4 paper, or drink Red Bull.
The better team didn’t win and the team that should have won didn’t win. The Giants can stomp about all they like but the Patriots lost as much as the Giants won. Much worse is the fact that history wasn’t made and it’s tough to get over that. I can’t help but asking myself who the hell was coaching the Patriots? With seconds left to snatch victory out of the jaws of defeat they instruct Brady to throw deep balls against a dime package to Randy Moss who despite not catching either pass did show that he was clearly faster than everyone covering him. So why the hell didn’t they try this option earlier in the game when the Giants weren’t expecting it?
Canadian Athlete of the Year-Male
George St. Pierre
I can’t say enough about this guy. A world class athlete in a world class sport, that people actually care about. Yes MMA is more important than hockey and yes George is one of its biggest most talented stars.
Canadian Athlete of the Year-Female
Chantal Petitclerc
Yeah I know this award should probably go to one of the boys who figure skate because really sister can you do a triple sow cow in pyjamas with the feet sewed in? But instead I’m giving it to the chick in the wheelchair because I like how she called out everyone for voting for Perdita Felicien, because really how bad is our core of female athletes if we give out gold for shitting the bed? Sure I have no idea how tough Paralympics competition is. Do they really have the cream of the cripple crop competing? Something tells me most people with no legs aren’t trying to callous up their only remaining good limbs in the name of a competition only their parents care about. Still for not having any legs she’s kind of hot and really that’s all it should take for any woman to win an athlete of the year award.
Manny Pacquiao
The PacMan won 3 fights in three separate weight classes in ’08, claiming two championship belts a long the way. A similar feat hasn’t been accomplished in around 70 years.
Before the De La Hoya fight I thought Freddie Roach was about done as a trainer but it turns out De La Hoya is just done as a fighter. Roach’s game plan saw Pacquiao boxing with both hands and using a straight left to set up a night of embarrassment for De La Hoya. Pacquiao also showed newfound tactical ability in using his feet to step off to the side leaving the Golden Boy staring at empty space while wondering why his lips tasted like leather.
Next up is a nearly certain match up with the once again fan favourite Ricky Hatton. Hatton is smaller than Oscar and doesn’t have his chin. Expect to see Hatton lying in a pool of his own blood in 10 rounds or less.
Runner-Up
George St. Pierre
George “Rush” St. Pierre could win more seats in parliament than the liberals. He’s so popular Sportsnet.ca voted him Canadian Athlete of the Year by a reported 89% margin. No matter how you slice it nothing is a better barometer of public opinion than, well…public opinion.
Well deserved public opinion at that. George may be the most complete fighter in the world, and probably the only current UFC champion who we’ll still be talking about as a contender 5 years from now. George only had two fights this year but they were both big. First in a fight that can best be summed up as a gorilla raping a bunny rabbit, George reclaimed the 170lbs title from Matt Serra, in George’s hometown of Montreal.
The George went on to defend his title against real tough guy and number one contender Jon Fitch. Fitch came into the fight on a ridiculous 15 match win streak. St. Pierre made him look like a sparring partner. Anyone viewing that match with no prior knowledge of the contestants would have been right to think a pro was fighting an amateur. Fitch proved his heart by going the full 5 rounds but it was no contest for much of the bout as George won in dominating fashion.
If George successful defends his title against BJ Penn early next year expect his next fight to be against muay thai terrorist Thiago Alves. A victory for St. Pierre against Thiago Alves would most likely see St. Pierre.making the move up to 185lb setting up a super fight against middle weight king Anderson Silva.
Anderson “The Spider” Silva
Anderson Silva fought three times in ’08 and compiled a record of 3-0 with 2 KO’s and 1 submission. Anderson strangled Pride 185lbs champ Dan Henderson in fewer than two rounds. I dare you to try and emulate the expression on Henderson’s face right before he tapped out without shitting your pants.
People said it was too easy, hey Anderson for your next trick why not put on 20lbs and fight the man with the record for fastest knock out in UFC history? Okay, that’ll be one minute please. If you’ve ever seen the episode of CSI where the case involves illegal gender reassignment surgery then you have some idea of the butchery worked on James Irvin’s face that night as his face sported a gash you stick four fingers in.
Some people were disappointed that Silva let Patrick Cote make it to the third round of their fight for Silva’s title a few month’s ago. Many reports indicated that Silva was so upset by the criticism that he demanded to fight the very next weekend.
The UFC denied his request but expected a very motivated Spider to do very bad things to Thales Leites in their bout scheduled for March 2009.
Fight of the Year
Antonio Margarito vs. Miguel Cotto
Talent wise Miguel Cotto is this generation’s Marvin Hagler. The 147 pound champion was an undefeated fighter with a deserved rep as a devastating puncher. Signing a contract with Cotto is generally a guarantee that you’ll be shitting concentrated orange juice with pulp the morning after. The man doesn’t like liver, he doesn’t like kidneys.
He entered this fight on a longer winning streak, as the better boxer, and the harder puncher.
All these things would prove true during the fight and every single one of these points would prove to be useless again Antonio Margarito in what was to be one of the most brutal fights of the year.
Margarito has long been the guy no one wanted to fight. Granite chin, excellent hands, granite chin, and most importantly at 5’11 he’s nearly super humanly tall for the division. His only significant loss coming to the even taller Paul Williams, who’s an ungodly 6’1 at 147lbs.
By the third round I wondered why Michael Vick was in jail? If this fight was legal then fighting dogs, old people, the handy capable, all that shit should be legal. There came a point where while walking back to his corner Cotto seemed to projectile vomit blood from his entire face. Never mind the fact that he was winning the fight at that point. For most of the first 10 rounds he did his level best to kill Margarito who for his part didn’t care. He just kept working and working and working, until the announcers started describing his flurries as “violent assaults” he scored two knockdowns in the 11th round and claimed Cotto’s title.
Now you know why Floyd Mayweather Jr. turned down 8 million dollars to fight him. Oscar De La Hoya wouldn’t fight him, no one really wants to fight him.
Margarito will next be seen in January where he’ll have to answer for Shane Mosely’s murder.
If you’re a fight fan and haven watch this fight it’s simply a reminder of why someone somewhere has been trying to have boxing banned since 1400 B.C. It’s also a reminder of why we really should never let that happen.
Best Toronto GM
Brian Burke
He’s already done more than any GM we’ve had in 50 years because Leafs fans have real hope. Journalists, players, and the sort are fond of calling Toronto, “The Hockey Mecca”. Of course fans from every other city think we’re dick heads because how can a team that never wins be the top hockey town? The truth however is that Leafs fans aren’t dicks. They are a bunch of people who for much of the last 30 years begin every season by debating whether or not their team will be good enough out get out of the first round of the playoffs, if that.
Now people are talking about a five year plan, incredible.
Worst Toronto GM
Brian Colangelo
What the fuck is your plan sir? At least Mitchell had a big city, big league personality. Now we suck AND have no passion.
Best Sports Channel
The Score
They’re doing a real good job of capturing the spirit of what people want in a sports show. Of course humour is a key but beyond that these guys are allowed to have some personality which is increasingly rare on Canadian T.V. I mean that entire storyline of Cabbie having Sid Seixeiro learn to freestyle was funny as hell, and then at the end of it when host Tim Metcalf freaks out after Seixeiro burns down the cipher, gold.
It’s nerdy, sports, hip-hop(read: pop culture) for people who don’t need their sportscasters to wear blazers, but don’t be mislead they have all the knowledge you need. Their soccer guy James Sharman should be knighted; of course I say that about everyone Englishman who discusses soccer.
They also have the best plays of the week show. POW. Or P, O, dub as it was once referred as.
Worst Sports Channel
TSN
They got Pardon the Interruption, and they got In the Corner: With Russ Anber. Other than that they have bad make up and wildly inconsistent programming schedules. A few years ago I noted that the Sportsnet morning show might be better than the TSN morning show. TSN has only gotten worse since. I mean if Jay Onrait doesn’t get funny again it’s a wrap.
You know when they rushed Jennifer Hedger back on air like 6 hours after having a baby that they were desperate. I mean you all know how I feel about being entertained by lactating bitches.
Obama Isn’t Commissioner of MLB Award
Cito Gaston
11 years between head managing stints for Cito Gaston. Wendell Clark could get a job coaching the Leafs if he wanted, but a guy who actually won gets to sit for 11 years. How does that work?
Runner Up
Barry Bonds
Over the last three or four years of his career Barry Bonds only missed making contact with 20% of the pitches he swung at. He’s never failed a drug test. He’s never been convicted of a crime.
Remember that next time you’re cheering at Josh Hamilton home run derby highlights.
NBA Most Outstanding Player
Chris Paul
I hate sports journalism. Especially that which covers the NBA because they tend to be years behind what’s going on in the real world. It takes 3 years of Kobe sharing the ball from them to stop saying Kobe is selfish. Things like that piss me off. You also still hear phrases about young players like “he has to learn to trust his team mates”, or one of a myriad of other similar statements. But the truth is those statements make no sense. Not anymore. Every player coming in to the league today literally grew up hearing about how Jordan didn’t become a champion until he learned to trust his team mates. Everyone has heard about Kobe’s issues with team unity when he was younger. So why is the excuse allowed to exist?
Well for Chris Paul it didn’t, he came into the league doing everything right and much like Lebron James has demonstrated that some things don’t have to be coached and that we don’t have to make allowances for players who don’t get it. I expect we’ll be seeing more of this sort, maybe not in terms of talent but definitely in terms of maturity.
Chris Paul’s 2007/08 line: 80 games played, 21.1 points, 11.6 assists, 2.7 steals.
3rd year numbers like that can’t be ignored.
NBA Most Valuable Player
Kevin Garnett
This guy has filled out stat sheets in a historical fashion his entire career. I don’t want to hear he had a lot of help. Anyone remember the 2004 Lakers? Then shut the hell up. This guy arrives to work every day with the enthusiasm of a 7 foot tall pitbull puppy that’s seeing it’s master for the first time in 12 hours. I really haven’t seen anything like him since Magic Johnson.
I’m Not Saying He Doesn’t Deserve the Accolades but…
Sidney Crosby
Is it just me or is this guy not the best player on his own team never mind the league? And considering the Penguins record when Marc-Andre Fleury is out, don’t we dare say he might be the number three guy in Pittsburgh in terms of putting wins on the board?
Worst Thing to Happen to Sports
Super bowl 42 Giants beat Patriots
Yeah I know this could go to the WNBA every year. But Jesus Christ did I watch every damn Patriots game last year for no reason? I couldn’t even discuss this game for 3 days after it happened. I was so upset I couldn't masturbate, smoke anything less than a 4 paper, or drink Red Bull.
The better team didn’t win and the team that should have won didn’t win. The Giants can stomp about all they like but the Patriots lost as much as the Giants won. Much worse is the fact that history wasn’t made and it’s tough to get over that. I can’t help but asking myself who the hell was coaching the Patriots? With seconds left to snatch victory out of the jaws of defeat they instruct Brady to throw deep balls against a dime package to Randy Moss who despite not catching either pass did show that he was clearly faster than everyone covering him. So why the hell didn’t they try this option earlier in the game when the Giants weren’t expecting it?
Canadian Athlete of the Year-Male
George St. Pierre
I can’t say enough about this guy. A world class athlete in a world class sport, that people actually care about. Yes MMA is more important than hockey and yes George is one of its biggest most talented stars.
Canadian Athlete of the Year-Female
Chantal Petitclerc
Yeah I know this award should probably go to one of the boys who figure skate because really sister can you do a triple sow cow in pyjamas with the feet sewed in? But instead I’m giving it to the chick in the wheelchair because I like how she called out everyone for voting for Perdita Felicien, because really how bad is our core of female athletes if we give out gold for shitting the bed? Sure I have no idea how tough Paralympics competition is. Do they really have the cream of the cripple crop competing? Something tells me most people with no legs aren’t trying to callous up their only remaining good limbs in the name of a competition only their parents care about. Still for not having any legs she’s kind of hot and really that’s all it should take for any woman to win an athlete of the year award.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
1996?
No game on a Saturday night? First time since '96? That's fuckin' balls. I have no life, but I do have a large TV, and nothing to put on it. Balls.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Deconstructing the Folding Boy Oscar De La Hoya
The saying goes history is written by the victorious, but generally speaking this is only partially true. If we only had the victor’s accounts of various slave trades, the Spanish Inquisition, and the “discovery” of the
In this case those numbers are 39W-6L, the record of the much lauded Golden Boy of Boxing Oscar De La Hoya. Mr. Five Time division champion you say? What’s your problem with a sure fire hall of famer like Mr. De La Hoya? Well frankly I hate revisionist history. I hate the fact that I’ve watched this guy his entire career and dislike the way everyone has fallen on to the Oscar is one of the greats bandwagon.
I don’t doubt his
The fact that I can watch one of my favourite sports shows In The Corner: With Russ Anber, where as part of his tribute to De La Hoya Russ of course mentions the greats Oscar beat during his career; John John Molina (What?), Vargas (huh?), Julio Cesar Chavez (now I’m irritated), Pernell Whitaker….What!?
Well I mean the numbers don’t lie right? He did beat those guys. Sure the only time Vargas was called a superstar was when he fought De La Hoya but whatever, and sure my dislike for De La Hoya was actually born while watching the John John Molina fight were a young Oscar complained to the ref constantly because John John was being too rough. But again, he did win that fight. Even back then we could see the makings of why a large segment of his potential fan base was turned off by this young fighter.
Still how about the awesome Julio Cesar Chavez? The most popular and decorated Mexican fighter in history. You know how Jesus is popular name amongst Mexicans. Well Julio Cesar Chavez was so well loved his nickname is J.C Superstar and the J.C doesn’t necessarily stand for Julio Cesar. It's like his fans wanted to make up for his mother misnaming him. He’s both the prototypical and penultimate Mexican fighter. Took big shots dished out worse and his 107-6-2 record indicates that not only did he uphold the Mexican tradition of turning pro at 6 years of age, but also that he’d fight anyone at time. This man was not a protected fighter and everyone especially his fellow Mexicans loved him.
On the flip side was the newly minted pro De La Hoya whose parents were born in
So in this atmosphere Chavez’s people called for a fight with Golden Boy from the day he turned pro in 1992, but De La Hoya’s management carefully managed his early fights, a strategy I agree with by the way. So it was close to 4 years and 16 J.C fights against top contenders later before they actually fought. The first fight ended early do to a bad cut on Chavez. They fought again not immediately but 2 years later. By this time JC was either 36 or 1800 years old I can’t remember. His training regime even in his prime involved running while drunk, sparring while drunk, and not drinking between 8am and 2pm Sundays.
But Oscar gets credit for beating an 1800 year old drunk who’d called him out for 4 years prior?
But you know what? At least Oscar clearly won both of those fights. Next up is the mercurial “Sweet Pea” Pernell Whitaker. Pernell has long had a physique that could most kindly be described as smooth. So no he couldn’t bust a grape with a hammer. But Pernell had fast hands (holds record for most fights with more than 400 punches thrown), great movement, and may have been as good a defensive fighter as ever lived. He had won the Ring Magazine Fighter of the Year award 9 year earlier and 4 year before De La Hoya turned pro. Though he was never a KO threat he confused the 9 year younger De La Hoya for 12 rounds. Oscar couldn’t hit the guy. There was a point in the fight where Pernell put both his hands behind his back as he wanted a challenge and Oscar still couldn’t hit him. There was a point where Pernell crouched down in front of Oscar and Oscar still couldn’t find him. You could see the finest of cocaine in Pernell’s nose and Oscar couldn’t hit him. Pernell had such a love for the pussy he hired a woman to manage him. Back in those days the shutter speed on the cameras were too slow to capture it but I’ve heard tales of Pernell having orgies in his corner between rounds. You ever try to float like a butterfly after getting your balls sucked on? OSCAR STILL COULDN’T HIT HIM. I don’t know anyone but the three judges at ringside who scored this fight for De La Hoya. Unbelievable that we’ve reached a point where Oscar gets a no asterisk win there. That was the first time in my life I saw a boxing contest where I thought the judges were actually on the take. It would not be the last time where De La Hoya was concerned.
Ike Quartey looked to have out pointed Oscar but lost a split decision.
Felix Sturm was a solid 160lbs fighter from
Bernard Hopkins knocked Oscar out with a body shot. No shame there as I said Oscar shouldn’t have been fighting at this weight. I do wonder what would have happened if he had gone into Chavez, one of the best body punchers ever in his prime?
This brings us to two of Oscars 3 most recent fights (No I have no idea who Steve Forbes is but if this guy was touching Oscar up at 150 I have no idea why he showed up at 142 to fight Pac-Man.
First let there be no doubt in your mind that Oscar was shut out by Floyd Mayweather Jr. who had way too much respect for Oscar in the ring. Mayweather was lighter the night of the fight than he was at the weigh in for a contracted fight at 150. This can only be explained in two ways either he was sick or he ate his way up the weight limit. Pick the latter not the former. Floyd pretty much confirmed he had to eat his way up to the minimum after the fight when he said something to the effect of jr. welter weight just beat a middle weight. Oscar who refused to get on the unofficial scales the night of the fight (as usual for him) looked to be in around 160lbs. Oscar got chopped up at then made excuses that Floyd wouldn’t stand and fight. Oscar said he was pressing the action not Floyd. But truth be told it’s a lot harder to knock a guy out who never opens up and Oscar never opened up because at times Floyd was doubling his punch out put and by the middle of the fight Oscar couldn’t get off. At 143 Oscar would have died in the ring. Don’t believe me? See….
De La Hoya vs. Pacquiao
When this fight was announced I immediately said Pac-man was going to fill the Golden Boy up. Unlike Floyd, Pacquiao’s defence is usually restricted to punching you back. There’s no rest when this guy is in the ring. I thought Oscar would go in 10. Then someone reminded me that Pacquiao is a natural 115. I ran threw my memory banks and realized in my life I’d only had sex with two women who weighed less than that. Then I was corrected in that Pacquiao actually debuted at 105, which scratches an entire woman off of my list. I said Pac-man would win by decision once I’d gotten the new info but like many I now thought the fight was a farce. A case of money not machismo. Antonio Margarito is the Big Bad Wolf at 147 and he’s been calling De La Hoya out. His response to the signing of the Pacquiao fight was, “Now Oscar is getting brave with a 135lbs fighter and is trying to convince everyone that it’s a tough fight. He’s getting brave with a great fighter, but a fighter who fights at 135. He wants to show the world that can pull the trigger against a 135 pounder. What a man. What a hero!”
I don’t remember anyone saying these things about Ali, Leonard, Duran or even Tyson.
Yet we see how that turned out, with Oscar once again refusing to throw punches when under assault from a man who weighs less than his wife.
Good-Bye Golden Boy thanks for the big shows and big fights. I just wish someone would remember that you didn’t really win too many of them.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Outside the box.
In my imaginary little world, I'm not just a clever, handsome blogging savant, I'm also the General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs. And the Raps. And, similarly, the Jays. I also have a wicked Lambo. Anyway, I am always looking for ways to gain a (fictional) edge on my (imaginary) opposition, and since I'm used to living in an hallucigen-induced fantasyland, I think I've got something figured out. Sports teams aren't using the media--or more specifically, technology-- like they should be, not by a hella longshot. Sure, some front office types have taken to this whole blogging thing as a way to let the fan see a touch more personal facet of the business, and laptops are the norm for everyone from assistant coaches to trainers, but that's just scratching the surface...like seeing the cellphone as just a really long-range cordless phone, rather than a pervasive cultural change. I'm saying there's more to be done with all the tech at our fingertips, and if I were the GM of an enormous sports organization where the rules are so tight that any advantage is gained by tiny increments here and there (hello F1), I'd be seeking to gain the upper hand wherever I could. And here's what no-one has done--use the media to cause cultural change within a fanbase to gain an advantage.
Imagine the Brian McCabe trade in reverse, for example. If I'm the Florida Panthers, I'm getting a devalued player for no other reason than the fans have absolutely poisoned the workplace atmosphere to the degree that he has to be dealt. It has cost me no money, and more importantly, less talent from my roster, to aquire a player that makes my team better. Clear advantage. What I'm saying is, we all know that the whole poison atmosphere around Brian McCabe in T.O. was caused by fans...reading blogs, watching high(low)lights, reading the paper incessantly, obsessively. And it was that whole 'couple threads on a blog, read by the guy who does highlights on TSN, repeated highlights of terrible goals, bring in the experts, boo him at the next game, make him a pariah' type of hype explosion that caused the ultimate demise of McCabe's career in Toronto.
And what I'm saying is, I'm paying a staff of people to engineer this.
Think about it. I have a few people working together at commenting on the best blogs, building up their names and reps, posting on game threads and in forums, and all the while getting my message out there. If you've read enough blogs, you know that you'll eventually come across a selection of reasonably well thought out and interesting sites where you find yourself agreeing with a lot of what's said-- and probably being more receptive to the ideas therein than from Steve Simmons or Al Strachan--and you find a lot of those ideas show up in the paper the next day, run by beat reporters needing angles for stories. The groundswell begins. No one knows that I planted those seeds from high above. If I could "Larry Murphy" some dude out of favour in a city I was talking trade with, I may be able to steal some advantage without costing me anything but a couple salaries and willingness to think outside the box. Even if that only worked once, or just to a smaller degree, well, that might be another small increment in trying to build a discernible edge on you, pally. And all because you thought the internet was only for good, not evil. Outside the proverbial box.
There you have it--preaching cultural brainwashing for the sake of a modest talent increase.
Genius, I say.
WAJr
Imagine the Brian McCabe trade in reverse, for example. If I'm the Florida Panthers, I'm getting a devalued player for no other reason than the fans have absolutely poisoned the workplace atmosphere to the degree that he has to be dealt. It has cost me no money, and more importantly, less talent from my roster, to aquire a player that makes my team better. Clear advantage. What I'm saying is, we all know that the whole poison atmosphere around Brian McCabe in T.O. was caused by fans...reading blogs, watching high(low)lights, reading the paper incessantly, obsessively. And it was that whole 'couple threads on a blog, read by the guy who does highlights on TSN, repeated highlights of terrible goals, bring in the experts, boo him at the next game, make him a pariah' type of hype explosion that caused the ultimate demise of McCabe's career in Toronto.
And what I'm saying is, I'm paying a staff of people to engineer this.
Think about it. I have a few people working together at commenting on the best blogs, building up their names and reps, posting on game threads and in forums, and all the while getting my message out there. If you've read enough blogs, you know that you'll eventually come across a selection of reasonably well thought out and interesting sites where you find yourself agreeing with a lot of what's said-- and probably being more receptive to the ideas therein than from Steve Simmons or Al Strachan--and you find a lot of those ideas show up in the paper the next day, run by beat reporters needing angles for stories. The groundswell begins. No one knows that I planted those seeds from high above. If I could "Larry Murphy" some dude out of favour in a city I was talking trade with, I may be able to steal some advantage without costing me anything but a couple salaries and willingness to think outside the box. Even if that only worked once, or just to a smaller degree, well, that might be another small increment in trying to build a discernible edge on you, pally. And all because you thought the internet was only for good, not evil. Outside the proverbial box.
There you have it--preaching cultural brainwashing for the sake of a modest talent increase.
Genius, I say.
WAJr
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